Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
