ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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