We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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