Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
