so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
