You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
