Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
