fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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