he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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