I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
