Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
