Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
