The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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