It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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