What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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