I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
