do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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