Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
