Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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