The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
