His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
