yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
