wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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