I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's blow job season.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
