I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
