I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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