He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
