You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
