the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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