Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
