we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
