Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
