I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
