Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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