you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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