I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this hospital has no fireball
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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