my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
