i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
