I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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