she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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