I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
