the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
