Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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