The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
