I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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