so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
