I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
