My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm at about main and main street
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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