Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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