After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And then he peed in my hair
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