I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
