Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
