Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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