there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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