so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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