my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
