My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
