So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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