she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
