If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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