he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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