I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
