We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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