Have you finally orgasmed yet?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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