I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
