Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
